nameless and futurefull
Kategori: Allmänt
I barely even know your name yet but I do know that from the second the lifeline in your hand touched mine, there was no way I was getting out of this alive. I already know where we go on our first date. I already know from which corner of your mouth your smile starts from and I know that you have fifty different smiles on a good day and only one on a bad day. I know that you collect stones in your shoes to keep yourself more grounded and that I can make you laugh by pulling a silly face. But sometimes it’s not always easy to laugh. It’s more complicated than just two people with a similar outlook on life and ways to pass time. It’s how I seem to fall in love with anyone who shows me the least bit of interest and how you keep doubting the reasons I need to be with you. It’s how I never believe I can be enough for you and how you keep telling me about all the monsters running around in your head. Or how I sometimes hide-away in corners because wide-opens spaces are filled with hard choices and too many decisions. Sometimes, my paranoia will get so loud that I will wake up in the middle of the night too terrified to go back to sleep and I will try to stay awake as long as physically possible. And that you will stay awake right along there with me. I have learned that the symptom of being afraid to fall asleep is called hypnophobia and that it’s not a fear of falling asleep, it’s a fear of not being able to wake up again. We will have an infatuation built on a rough foundation and an unstable history. We will go through all the stages of love to find ourselves eventually falling through the cracks we forgot to fortify. We will pinky swear and thumb war and ring finger promise. But we are all just ticking time bombs waiting for a spark to ignite us so that we can burn. For we will all burn. Our downfall was not a slow downwards spiral but a straight line straight off that cliff we called chose to call rock solid. Rock solid turned into rock bottom and a few broken bones on the way down. Yelling combinations of letters in your direction for you to catch with your lifelines. Waiting for you to throw me a life line. But then again, I barely know your name and we don’t have a future together. All we really had was a handshake, a smile and a goodbye.